I suppose it's a kind of betrayal to realise the people you thought you should place utmost trust in actually...can't be trusted after all.

I'm talking about my parents. They could argue that they lost trust me in me long before I lost trust in them, but really. It seems like things recently have just been getting worse and worse. Depending on whether you seemed like you were available and sympathetic enough a friend to whine to, I might have told you about how my childhood savings have evaporated, and how I feel more and more like an unwanted guest in my home.

They've never believed in me. I've always hoped that they would, but I'm always too lazy, too messy, too immature. Isn't there anything good in me? And if even my parents don't think so...

Anyway, over two years, I've managed to amass more than my childhood savings ever amounted to, and hopefully, if I start working, it'll get better too. But I want to move out, and I'm only halfway to a comfortable reserve to do that.

I don't like the way I live any more. I realise I haven't liked it for a while. I know I over-save, with an over-emphasis on being a scrooge. I don't know how to stop, nor can I justify stopping, as long as I need money.

Friends are transient, and so is family. What can I place my trust in?

I wish I could trust Danny, and I do trust him a lot, but I know I can't do this completely...if something happens, it would be my fault for placing that much trust in him too. So much trust is a burden, you know. That said, I think that so far...he's the person who knows me the best. And he's never flinched away, no matter what I say. Danny...thank you for this. You're my anchor in this messed-up convoluted world, but sometimes I don't know if I'm yours...

I'm trying. I really am. But it's just that...the more you commit, the more it'll hurt, for everyone. If.