10 things I hate about myself...

Feeling a bit sad at the moment. I guess it's partly cos I miss my parents and bro. It was halfway amusing, I called them to chat (partly about my wisdom teeth) using Mom's hello card, but I guess they were busy/tired, so I was talking to bro...then there was a convo lull and he said something to the effect of okay, right, bye and actually hung up. -wry- The italicised bits are lyrics from the songs in my Cathartic Rock folder I'm listening to at the moment...see if you can spot which songs they were from.

"Will you break my fall? When I climb too high?"

Everyone has bits about themselves they dislike. It's been a while since I've written a personal entry, but I was scrolling through my msn list and thought there wasn't really anyone I should complain to, so...here it is. In no particular order, though I'm mostly thinking about the first one...

"It's all for you - you got me where you want. It's all for you - just stop breaking my heart."

The title of this post is just to sound...jingly. I don't really hate myself. Just...some bits trouble me. It's true for everyone, I suppose -- no one's perfect.

"Just one look into your eyes, one look and I'm crying...cos you're so beautiful."

1. My insecurity. I feel like I'm constantly looking for approval so much...it gets tiring. I know it's probably tedious for other people, having to shovel emotional shit when it comes to temperamental ole me, but...I don't know. How do I fix this? :/

"You're still my saffron girl; I loved you before the sunrise in the world."

2. Hair removal. Body hair la. -_- I like my head hair. Probably doesn't require explanation.

"Heartache every moment; from the start to the end."

I guess I haven't really thought about how hard this would be to write...let's hope no one reads this cos I hardly update it nowadays.

You're falling back to me, the star that I can't see...I know you're out there, somewhere out there.

3. How I'm not better at comforting other people. I try to listen when they're troubled, but I'm kinda crap at saying things to make people smile when they're depressed. Imman's good at this. :)

She's only yours tonight, and she never cries. But I know there's pain inside, there's Julia-ah-ah...

4. I should study harder than what I'm currently doing.

5. How I'm painfully stingy sometimes. I have a reason for this, I really do, but I know I take it overboard...

6. I can't take criticism very well. It always strikes me painfully. This is probably linked to 1......

7. I don't know how I want to end up, relationship-wise. I'm not getting conventionally married, but who would marry me unconventionally?

8. I should have taken better care of my skin. I'm sure I'll doubly regret this about ten, twenty years down the line.

9. I don't know what love is. I don't even know if I believe in it, and whether it exists. What is a world without love? Seems that's what people say.

10. I spend too much time being emotional/grouchy/angry/disagreeable. It's kinda all the same. -wry-

I suppose that's it, up to 10. I'm sure there're others if I think about it...but well. I suppose it's good that I was barely three in before I started thinking about my good points too...=) So rest assured, I'm not being horribly emo.

But don't you feel lonely sometimes too? I know I've been saying it too often nowadays, and I'm sorry to the friends I've said, "Never mind, you don't get it..", but your feelings are your own...and sometimes you don't get them either. But you're the only one feeling them. And even if you understand them, sometimes you're too tired to explain it to others.

Again, I'm sorry. Lord, if anything, I feel even more miserable now. It's not major, so ah well, it'll go away when I sleep.

Everything's so blurry, and everyone's so fake. Everybody's empty, and everything is so messed up.