Uncertainty? Just come already.

I'm so tired of arguing, sometimes. I'm tired of the threats, of the admonitions, of the complaints, of the mocking. It's true that people don't notice you if you do things well -- but the moment you mess up slightly, they get all over you.

I'm so tired of feeling like I'm broken, and thinking I'll never fix myself. Even this moment I'm swinging towards tears again, when just five minutes before I was amused at something I'd seen on another window, and ten minutes ago I was doing a fair impression of a faucet.

I'm so tired of waiting for something, and then being disappointed when it comes. Of knowing this might happen, and having to be careful not to expect too much. Sometimes, I don't feel enough -- then it seems like my heart aches all of a sudden, rushing out, great as a flood. Of relations between people being so practical, of so many things seeming pointless.

I'm tired of feeling drained when talking to some people. Of not feeling alive enough most times, then having a split moment when it's all so painful and raw and I realise how little I have, how little I've done, how little I have to look forward to. I know it's all self pity, which makes it all the worse --

I'm tired of being the way I am. But mostly, I'm tired of her. What brought on this rant? Apparently I'm supposed to sleep at eleven and wake up at seven when I obviously see no need to. I prefer the quietude of the night, the peace. When I attempt to say uni students generally sleep late, what does she reply with? "They spend their time at night studying, like I did when I was in uni." That's an absolutely dismal image. Couple that with her idea that groups are useless and friends and guys equally so, unless they can give you some form of practical advantage, and I begin to despair at the bleak future painted for me.

On a sidenote, orientation is starting this week. It's three days, from Wednesday to Friday. I'm not expecting much. I hope to be pleasantly surprised.

huiming: That's so sweet of them. :) Though they'd have been sweeter if they'd commented. -grins- Jk, jk. I'm always glad to have a piece of mine being appreciated by someone -- after all, that's what writing's for. Well yeahhhh someone mentioned a certain president on msn once, but said person never posted. XD I'll wait, I suppose. Since Jo's stuck too, the next person to link up gets to jump queue and get cookie. Then after that, I'll write yours, huiming! :) Okay? Cos otherwise I'd be doing two of yours consecutively..
ruilin: Happy belated CNY. It's not hot at all. In fact, it's been rainy these few days...hope good weather prevails during orientation.
sb: ...my friend, we thought they'd never end, we'd sing and dance, forever and a day..They were. I wonder whether I'll find as tight a group here...nothing will be the same as S23, though. And there was. It was too strange. :D Right?
nic: happy new year to you too, nic.